content warning // lots of death, killing, and other related stuff; possibly direct threat

Translated from futurespeak for legibility.

hi, um... it's me, rocco here
i thought about the date today


who's been keeping track? it's gotten me thinking about the past and if anyone dedicated themselves to holding onto the date and time even through the fall of civilization
it's clear someone did, or it might be some kind of computer

emotionless boxes that do nothing but work
do you think someone should free them? do they enjoy doing work, like how my "dad" enjoys going out and collecting firearms?

all i know about computers is that there's one on my arm right now. it seems technology (is that how it's spelled?) hasn't been inhibited quite so bad by the fall

it's a little strange thinking about it
can you believe that there was something before me? something so big that just collapsed?
sometimes it doesn't feel real. like my whole life's a dream

sometimes i wish my life was a dream honestly
that all of everything that's happened to me hasn't actually happened

do you think i'd have friends when i wake up?
maybe i'd go to school? like a real, official school, with kids my age?
i'll admit, it's really weird learning english with people almost twice my age.

how am i real? i'll be honest, i think i might be in hell
this is hell, isn't it? i mean, it's all i've ever known but

i hate being shot at. i hate almost getting fucking killed because i have to steal to keep living.
and i just
i hate being on patrol. i hate having to murder people to stay alive. i wish everything wasn't as hard as it is right now.

i get homicidal dreams almost every night. tossing and turning as my mind goes insane thinking about evaporating every single goddamn person left on this earth
maybe if i was born before the fall i wouldn't have to do this
maybe i'd sleep better
maybe i could dream about puppies and kittens instead of blood and guts

i'd love to throw up thinking about it but i'm desensitized to it now
but i still feel the pain
immense amounts of pain

whatever. goodnight, log reader. i'll be staying up all night

p.s. if you are who i think you are, then you better keep an eye open tonight, you fucking prick. by now you should be dead. if you're not... i'll make sure that you are.
enjoy sleeping, cunt. i'll be outside your window, knocking