blog.abtmtr.link/mtr/

In relationships, I (as many) referenced obtaining hormone blockers.

In What are we?, I (as many) talked about the personal meaning of singular pronouns.

Today, “I” points to one (who you know as “abtmtr.link” or even “Theo”), and “I” is no longer as many.

But, hormone blockers are still on the table.

The thing is, I currently feel a new way about my gender. I'd prefer to be non-binary, at least online, neutralizing my gender presentation and all of that.

Estrogen, even, is on the table. I wouldn't mind taking estrogen if it meant I could... be happy with myself.

Maybe it won't solve my problems.

Maybe it, let's say, makes me incredibly miserable.

At least I tried.

I'd... just like to be something nice. Something that isn't so... generic. Man, woman, cisgender, It's all kinda boring.

As I mentioned in Something Small Yet Integral, a lot of my friends are trans. And I love all of my friends! They're all really cool people and... god, they make me think.

About me, about my gender, about... how I present myself to the world. I think I've been under-representing who I am with my appearance in real life.

You know what, maybe I'm following a trend.

Maybe, even, I'd jump off of a cliff if one of my cool gay Fediverse friends did.

So what? At least I'm trying things.

I could be “confused”. It could be “a phase”. It could even “wear off”.

Even if my feelings aren't strong, I'm trying to make myself happy. To make myself comfortable in my own body.

If you're worried about me in any capacity, you may try to stop me, or have me reconsider.

I used to be like that.

“Are you sure? This is a huge life-changing thing!”

The thing is, a lot of trans people know this. They already know what it'll do to them – who's to say they don't know the cons?

To ask a trans person this question could help in theory, but in reality it's an unnecessary stopgap.

Hormones are reversible. You can sell clothes. You can give your BLÅHAJ to someone else. You don't have to get surgery to be trans.

Instead of trying to stop a trans person in their tracks, here's another way to help them: support them.

To show doubt during a trans person's exploration can make them slink towards their comfort zone, preventing them from finding out what they might really like.

To show support is to empower their experience. To make special things feel that much more special.

I'm... really tired right now ,, hehe,, but ...

I think I might be non-binary, or, at least, some kind of it.

I've been trying they/them pronouns for a while, and... they're really comfy. I love when people use they/them for me, and I think they fit me well.

I've also been wanting to get hormones, for that extra oomph. Having the effects of estrogen – hell, even the side-effects (like periods) sound ... really enticing, and they've actually sounded enticing the whole time I've been on this journey.

Maybe I should do it.

Maybe I should ask... again.

Maybe they'll even say yes.

Maybe I'll get to feel good about myself.

That'd be fucking awesome.

- abtmtr.link