#short

I've wanted to move things around to the local server so I can have an easy “central hub” for all of the abtmtr.link services. Now both blogs (img and blog) are part of that huddle!

Current local sites: – git.abtmtr.link – local.abtmtr.link – blog.abtmtr.link – img.abtmtr.link

Iszac is a boy in spirit. Never really born, not really dead, but in a state between non-interactivity and meaning. He has existed 16 years in a state of solace. To not have to worry about anything in an environment where worries are common. Perhaps he has lived a past life where he has died, where his worries did in fact persist past the spectral veil, but none of them are to be worried about anymore.

It has been observed that the things around him change when he changes his sincere identity. Memories of his name remembered by sapient beings who have experienced his presence, internet archives with many hard drives filled with HTML documents, some of which have bore his name, CDs sporting waves represented as data that build up to represent his name, writing with pen strokes crafted to resemble what he is identified as... all of it changes when he does. Sometimes it only changes in his perception, a moment of disconnection from his identity that isn't visible or detectable by anyone else. These moments are significant quirks of those in solace, impossible to detect by even the most direct of their peers. A single tick of the clock called time means all of these instances of identity change synchronously, as if they always were.

Today is not any day of significance to him or anyone around him. There are no such days he burdens himself about, except his “birthday”, and maybe the birthdays of a few other sapient beings he surrounds himself with. His “birthday”, or more appropriately, day of existence, has been observed to be an odd Tuesday — August 7, 2007. There are no legal documents to prove this, but it has been ingrained permanently within his mind, so he doesn't have to worry about losing or forgetting this date.

Solace is a strange state to be in, as it isn't really as easy as instances of names changing, or being unable to forget your day of existence. You can still create problems and have them persist. Solace is not the immediate manipulation of many of these problems to become non-existent, but the ability to accept the existence of these problems and live with them. Some in the state of solace like to help repair or reduce the impact of these problems, and that is perfectly fine, if not encouraged in this state.

Even when resolved, however, a lot of these problems and worries can spread due to those outside of solace not willing to let go of the problem's existence. Some like to refer to this act as “gossip”. Gossip is a non-issue to residents of solace who understand the true meaning of being in this state. Do not worry yourself with the malicious and unapologetic, for their place in solace will be delayed until they finish just one life cycle worthy enough to earn it.

Solace is sometimes known to be very similar to the Christian belief of Heaven, where salvation shall only come after you have sincerely accepted your sins, but those in solace do not judge based on external perception. Solace is different, for you are instead judged by internal perception. Those who are unwilling to change do not get solace, instead being sent back into the mortal coil to have another chance at making things right.

Iszac is a boy in solace. Never really born, not really dead, but in a state between comfort and perfection.

NAME: Iszac Æther-Celeste
PERCIEVED IDENTITY: Teen aged human, identified genderfluid
ANTI-REDUNDANT NAMES: he/him, they/them, she/her
DATE OF EXISTENCE: 2007 - 08 - 07
DATE OF PERCEPTION: 2023 - 11 - 25
FAVOURITE COLOR: #00C0FF (Iszac Blue)

[Scene: Iszac and Theo alone in a dark room. Theo is at a desk on the computer, playing something. Iszac is floating to the left of him, simply observing, silently.]

[Neither of them say anything for some time, until Iszac pipes up]

Iszac: Hey, Theo? Theo: Hm, yep? [he says, opening an ear out of his headphones to hear Iszac] Iszac: Um... what do you think we're going to do once we have to get out of this place? I mean, you can't be here forever, right? Theo: I'd rather not think about that, honestly. Not right now. [Iszac floats closer, in a lying position, holding on to the left side of Theo's chair.] Iszac: Oh, come on. You built a house in this game, why's it so hard to think of acquiring one in real life? [Iszac floats behind Theo's laptop, closing it.] Iszac: I mean, you had to take that class about it this year. What do you have to lose? You know how to get an apartment, buy a car, hell, you even know exactly what car you'd like. There's even some interests you have you can put to use to get a job! Iszac: You're an Autistic, aren't you? Why haven't you put that to use? Theo: ...Uhh... well... Iszac: I know. Theo & Iszac: It's hard. Iszac: It's hard, isn't it? Theo: Yeah... committing is hard, I always hate making commitments. I never know if something I like is good enough for me. Iszac: ... [They spend some time looking away at each other. Theo goes to re-open his laptop, before Iszac snaps it back shut.] Iszac: Hey, look. I know I can't give you any new wisdom, since we kind of share everything, but look. Iszac: Doing stuff is hard. Everything's pretty damn hard. We're poor and irresponsible. Our head's always stuck in the digital world, like prehistoric technopaths... The world's falling apart around us and nobody likes each other. Iszac: But I think we'll be pretty damn OK for now, right? You don't have to think about the future right now, but we both already know it's fun to hyperfixate on the things we could do, and all of the ways our current work could shape our future. Iszac: And our mom, she's pretty damn supportive. If you fall, you'll always have someone to help you back up again. Iszac: Plus, you're getting therapy soon! Hopefully having someone to talk to will help you work out your problems. [Theo nods, yet still sad. Iszac floats over to his side, standing and holding him.]

[Beat]

Iszac: ...It's still scary, isn't it? I know you miss how simple it was to be you back in the day. Iszac: But, look. We're going to get through this, one way or another. Iszac: Our future awaits you, Theo! I know it'll be hard, and I know it'll be stressful, but I know you'll make it. And you will thrive. Theo: But- Iszac: And... I know. If it falls through, and you fail, and you end up feeling like shit... Iszac: At least you tried, you know? At least you meant well.

Iszac: You know there will be and are people who will try and support you, no matter what. Iszac: Just... stay hopeful, and keep doing the things you know you love.

#mirror #fedimetameta #ugh

Original post by [at] DryBird227 [at] mastodon [dot] social

[hash] thebadspace For about the billionth time because people like [at] silvereagle [at] mastodon [dot] social want so badly for it not to be true that they just ignore it. The race/black card can't exist if racism exists. If racism exists. Then the chance of a black person saying racism exists also exists. The more racism documented? Even on social media? The higher the chance there is racism when a black person says there is.

Meaning. The race/black card can't logically exist.

See original post

Huh? The meaning of an race/black card exists solely because racism exists. I don't get it.

People can lie and exaggerate. In fact, I'd say that's the reason racism exists, because shitty white people from the past spread lies about black people in order to make them look like degenerates. And the thing is, people of marginalized communities can lie too!

As you said, the chance of a marginalizaed person calling out someone for being [x]ist against them is indeed high, but there's an important thing you're looking over that defines the existence of the card – whether that claim is an exaggeration to make the other person look bad. I'm not going to debate whether the threads and screenshots you provided are solid instances of this, but I will say that instances of this do exist, simply because of the fact that people can lie, including people of marginalized communities. It would be ignorant to say that couldn't happen.

For instance, a random someone could be disagreeing in a thread with a marginalized someone over, let's say, the quality of Kraft Mac & Cheese, and the marginalized someone could call the random someone [x]ist for disagreeing with them. Would that claim of [x]ism be considered ridiculous? If the random someone was calling the marginalized someone slurs over fucking mac and cheese, then yes, that would be a valid claim. But, if the random someone was just ranting about the quality of the mac and cheese, then that claim could be considered ridiculous, and the random someone could call out that marginalized someone by telling them “are you trying to card me right now?”

It would be quite dishonest, and dare I say it, ignorant to say that isn't possible, which is why there is such a term as “race card”.

And, the thing is, everyone of any marginalized community can have their own card. I never really mentioned a specific marginalized group in that example, so you could fill out “[x]ism” and “marginalized someone” for “racism” and “Black/Brown someone”, or... even “transphobia” and “trans someone”.

Which also brings us into the question asked in this post of yours! The answer is, yes, a trans card exists, and so does a race card, as well as some bonuses, like a gay card, disabled card, Hispanic card, Asian card, Autistic card, minor card, etc... Every marginalized group has a card, including trans people. Shitty trans people can say “you're being transphobic” for the same mac and cheese debate, and the question still applies. Shitty Autistic people can say “you're being ableist” for the same mac and cheese debate, and the question still applies. I could say “you're being [x]ist” for the same debate, for whatever marginalized group I'm a part of, whether that be ableist (autism), homophobic (pansexual), ageist (minor), or racist (non white-passing dominican), and the question would still apply!

You get a card! You get a card!

EVERYONE GETS A CARD!!!

Iszac: Well, Theo, I made it, despite your directions. Theo: Ah, headmate Iszac, welcome! I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon! Iszac: Yeah.

Theo: Oh, egads! My memories are ruined! ...But, what if... I were to purchase poor judgement and disguise it as my own thinking? Delightfully devilish, Theo.

Theo with his crazy revelations The newest headmate's gonna need some meditation When he hears Theo's lame-o explanations There'll be trouble in town tonight!

Iszac: THEO!!! Theo: Ah, Iszac! I was just, uh... just working my part of the brain in the rationalization station. Deep thinking! Care to join me? Iszac: Why are there holes in your memories, Theo? Theo: Uh- oh! Those aren't holes, it's cut out filler! Removed from the memories we're having. Mmm, raw memories!

[...]

Theo: Iszac, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering trivia. Iszac: I thought we were having memories. Theo: Oh no, I said 'memory games'. That's what I call trivia. Iszac: You call trivia 'memory games'? Theo: Yes, it's a regional dialect. Iszac: Uh-huh. What region? Theo: Erm... frontal lobe. Iszac: Really? Well, I'm from the social area and I've never heard anyone use the phrase 'memory games'. Theo: Oh, not in the social part, no. It's a logical expression. Iszac: I see.

[...]

Iszac: You know, this trivia is quite similar to the judgements I've seen elsewhere in the brain. Theo: Ho ho ho, no! Patented Theo trivia! Old family recipe. Iszac: For trivia questions? Theo: Yes. Iszac: Right, and you call them trivia questions, despite the fact they make zero sense.

Theo: Y-uh... you know.... One thing I should... excuse me for one second. Iszac: Of course.

Theo: Well, that was wonderful. Good time was had by all, I'm pooped. Iszac: Yes, I should be- holy shit what is happening in there?? Theo: Brain wave. Iszac: Ah- A brain wave?? At this time of day, at this specific function cycle, in this part of the brain, localized exclusively with your memories?

Theo: Yes. Iszac: ...May I experience it? Theo: No.

[...]

subconscious: Theo, it's hard to think! Theo: No, subconscious, it's just an enlightened sense. Iszac: Well, Theo, you are an odd fellow, but I must admit... you game a good memory.

subconscious: Help! HELP!!!

0.3 seconds of Adderall patrol

The problem of having mental turmoil is that a LOT of shit happens.

Chronologically, we've been dealing with some memory fatigue when it comes to the small details required to point out moments when Iszac/Theo comes out or leaves. We barely know if it happens, and we can barely tell if anything is different or not if it does.

Ugh.

Are we being stupid and ridiculous about it, or are we on-the-nose with our speculations? We don't know, and it's super infuriating that we can't fucking tell.

We're tired right now, so that might also be a contributing factor.

Mental turmoil is tiring, and it kind of stinks that we still have to exist during it all. I wish we could just... slink deep into headspace and have all of the time in the world to figure it all out.

Maybe we should pick up lucid dreaming sometime. Do you think Iszac would be there?

Anyway, disregard the last blog – we still don't know what's going on.

Update soon-ish?

#mtrmeta #mirror

This is a mirror of a conversation on Discord. It's very unlikely this will be updated.

meowcatheorange

I don't know where Iszac is right now I opened myself up to my mom about what I've been experiencing and I told her I'm feeling detached from my identity, but I forgot to mention Iszac I mean, she knows about him, she read the blog post, but Now I'm not sure where he is because of that. Maybe I've lost him for now. Maybe he's somewhere else

Or, you know what. Maybe I'm really just... trying too hard He seems to just be my personification of my disconnection from my identity, simply put.

I should honestly just come to accept a few things.

Iszac isn't real, or at least... not in the way I have been hoping for. It wouldn't be right to say he is some kind of his own self, because he isn't. He is the void in place of my misplaced identity, a way to cope with who I want to be in a way I find fantastical. And it's OK to fantasize, but I kind of just feel like I should talk to someone about this.

It's been a lot to process, and I feel that everything lines up nicely with this conclusion. I'm not really sad he was nothing more, nor am I really mad at myself for thinking so in the first place. That's what exploring is! And I'm glad I took myself down this path. The only regret I have is that I may have been too harsh on the “rational part” of my brain. @[Exopath G] was right. I do just have to... make amends with that part of me, to correct its judgement a little, but not to ditch it entirely.

Thank you for reading, and I hope you will understand. It's been a short journey, but I'm glad I was able to bring myself in and out of this safely, and I'm happy that I'm able to pinpoint a problem within me that I'll be able to talk to someone about.

Maybe I'll be Iszac someday, but the fact of the matter is, that someday is not now, and that it's definitely not in the form of some kind of split-brain situation.

I hope to update you more about this soon.

Alternative title: Aetherglow and Translunar Academy

#tla #silly #short

God I wish it was real. Actually, maybe it will become real – but we won't know until it actually becomes real.

203 more years, gals and gals.

Mark your fucking calendars.

Edit 10/29 3:12 PM – Maybe not

oh great, moth.zone is blocked by a lot of instances for some reason about @root saying some racist shit or something?

I'll be honest, my experience with the Fediverse has tired me out. I haven't been directly harassed, thankfully, but there's a lot of parts of here which make me slightly to incredibly uncomfortable.

moth.zone's block reasons have me a little uncomfortable, but I'm not going to blow up over it because it looks like it happened like, a year ago. I've said some stupid stuff similar to this not too long ago (referencing the specific part of this blog where I call Ro “casually racist against white people” which I realize is now stupid and/or unnessecary to point out), and I believe people can change – it's one of the main reasons I dislike The Bad Space.

But... I dunno. It still strikes me the wrong way, and I'm not sure the position of affiliation this server has with the greater Fediverse.

Speaking of the greater Fediverse, the whole The Bad Space situation is tiring me out because of the attitude of the people around it, how people on that side are talking about the people on this side. Honestly? It's overwhelming me.

Fuck.

Anyway, I'm not thinking of moving. I'm kinda of just frustrated at the state of the Fediverse and I hate everything that's going on right now. We need something better.

⚠️ This blog is a little angry.

This blog is about a controversial topic that I once had very strong feelings about. Today, I might not agree with those feelings, so anything written here should be considered being written by a MeowcaTheoRange of their time. Thank you for understanding.

#thebadspace #meta

So there's this person named Tim W. I have absolutely no idea who they are, but in this conversation they drop DM's that I think adequately describe why people are worried about Ro.

Click on the image to view the post. ALT:

DMs on Discord – welshpixie

ceahhettan Today at 10:29 AM Gotta say I'm not upset by Ro leaving, honestly it will help the fedimins space feel safer for me and I think a few others.

welshpixie Today at 10:39 AM Yeah I'm not really into the 'the Black guy leaving will make me feel safer' vibe right now, especially considering everything that's been going on this week, especially considering the huge eruption of racism that has been fedi these past few days, especially given the amount of racist abuse Ro and other PoC in fedimins have either had directed at them or been exposed to these past few days and if that's how you feel, please leave Fedimins

ceahhettan Today at 10:40 AM He's made me feel unsafe since the start due to past history nothing to do with his race everything to do with his history of harassing groups I'm close to. And his history of “let's have a conversation” following with ad hominem attacks and nastiness and accusations if you even try. I didn't like him to begin with, and stayed in fedimins and largely tried to ignore him.

welshpixie Today at 10:47 AM I can't. Not after everything I've seen this week and the way people have responded to it. I've removed you from fedimins, because I know other PoC in there would not feel good about that if they knew what you're saying here

ceahhettan Today at 10:47 AM Fine.

God do I hate this. I hate how WelshPixie handles this. I don't know what's going on in Fedimins, so I don't even know if this is valid or not – so this will be purely based on the standpoint of existing information.

First, let's gloss over this real quick:

Glossing over this real quick

Let's start from a place I have some experience and proof in.

He's made me feel unsafe since the start due to past history nothing to do with his race[,] everything to do with his history of harassing groups I'm close to.

So, WP's reaction was initially thinking ceahhettan was complicit in why Ro left (which I'm guessing is because of the whole racism thing they described). This is their clarification that their relief is entirely unrelated to why Ro left.

And his history of “let's have a conversation” following with ad hominem attacks and nastiness and accusations if you even try. I didn't like him to begin with, and stayed in fedimins and largely tried to ignore him.

Yeah! I have proof for this.

The Part Where I Have Proof For This

Here, when @crashdoom@furry.engineer does “the whole community outreach thing…”, the whole conversation goes nowhere and faceplants. I feel like Crashdoom has valid criticism here, but Ro does his thing, deflecting with stuff like “I don't care [if it seemed level-headed] to you. It wasn't targeted at you” and “You don't know that because you're making assumptions based on your ignorance of the project”.

Amendment by future MeowcaTheoRange written 11/15/2023

Damn, that's a stupid way to put it. I think by "does his thing", I was trying to point out what Ro does *in general* in conversations like these, but that's just wrong.
Instead, what I should have meant instead of "his thing", is "the thing he does when someone he perceives as from 'the other side' enters the conversation".
Because to me, I still think Ro has a very partisan view of "who is for and against his work", which of course can be turned into accusations of racism, because the side that is "against his work" is also the side that is "against him".
Do NOT take this as "fact" or a "detailed observation", though. I'm just pulling guesses out of my ass based on what I've seen, which to this extent in my lapses of memory, is this angry blog and a few handfuls of events in the original thread I've remembered.

end amendment

Then, Crashdoom says something that ends up steering the conversation faceplant-ward. “If you think this is an attack… it’s not, it’s trying to understand to project and do the whole community outreach thing…” They say this, I'm guessing, because Ro has done nothing but deflect their criticism. And Ro... somehow takes this as... them saying it was an attack? “Ha, you said it was an attack, not me.” Which Crashdoom, of course, corrects – “Again, not an attack”. Ro asks “it's weird you keep saying it”. I'm guessing why Crashdoom keeps saying it is because Ro said it “was an attack”, while they meant it “wasn't an attack”. ??? Then, Crashdoom says this – “I keep saying it since I keep getting hostility, and I’m not entirely sure why”. Which brings us to the focus of our archive: ALT:

@crashdoom@furry.engineer @cc@packmates.org It's your interpretation I'm hostile, which is racist to be honest. I'm just speaking plainly to you but because I'm not holding your hand, I'm HOSTILE! Ha, that's weird, bro.

The reply from @jsj@tech.lgbt about sums up my reaction to this.

“Dude, racist? You must be trolling. There’s no way you’re seriously playing that card based on what they’ve said. Anyone can see this is hostile. Race has nothing to do with it.”

Because, yeah! I feel like this is an out of proportion reaction to what is basically “Dude, I think you're hostile because I don't think you're engaging with me in good faith.” It was never about race, but Ro pretends like it is just because he was called a ““bad word”“.

Genuinely, from the bottom of my heart:

Boo-fucking-hoo.

Anyway

So, what I like (sarcastic) about WelshPixie is that they just completely ignore the concerns of the fedimin:

I can't. Not after everything I've seen this week and the way people have responded to it.

...What can't you? They didn't say anything about doing something. Huh?

I've removed you from fedimins, because I know other PoC in there would not feel good about that if they knew what you're saying here

So, yeah. Just ignore the concerns that a fedimin has brought up to you because you “know other PoC would not feel good”? About what, being represented by a guy who weaponizes his skin color so he can make others look bad?

Fine.

Amendment by future MeowcaTheoRange written 11/15/2023

See my long post about the existence of the "race card".

https://moth.zone/notice/Abi8cbV3XmxkHjvv96

end amendment

An apology

Not really an apology. I have nothing tangible (yet) to apologize for, but I will apologize if you view this as hostile. I understand that.

I'm simply frustrated at the way things are being handled right now, and I think a concept like The Bad Space can flourish if done by the right person. The Bad Space wasn't ever and should never be entirely about “stopping racism in the Fediverse” – that's only one goal out of many, and the manager of it acting like it's the big plan to “expose those on Fedi for their racist behaviour” is inaccurate and has caused overbearing issues in the form of literally everyone I know having a problem with The Bad Space.

Someone, please, make this better. Hell, feel free to legit just take my concept and make it into a real thing.

I just don't want this version of The Bad Space.

Addendum: About Tim W.

I have no idea who Tim is and I don't really care about them in specific. I'm only using their screenshot for this blog, and everything that's been said after is something I'm still torn about, so it's outside this blog's scope.