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from blog.abtmtr.link/mtr/

Some sort of fox being ~/ sees in dissociation, far away, separate from the original abtmtr.link system.

Systemization has proved to show multiples in our head – not just multiple people, but multiple systems. ~/ is a part of the original system before everyone else disappeared due to Thea's re-association.

Maybe this is a new era. A new system, marked by bouts of dissociation and re-association.

And our fox friend here marks the start of something new.

They were seen speaking to others, all behind a veil of the membrane encapsulating each system's collection of members. ~/ could only barely see silhouettes behind these veils, though it does have 3D vision in headspace – it can't see too far, and it can't see what the head doesn't want it to see.

To reveal this character, and their possible associates, it needs to investigate closer.

No further information is given.

 
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from blog.abtmtr.link/mtr/

it identifies most closely with its Pixel 6a, loaded with CalyxOS

The Pixel 6a is an agile, flexible extension of its own abilities. Powerful and internet-connected. With its bluetooth bone-induction headset, it can listen and speak to the Pixel 6a in much the same way a technopath would with their terminal, just without the direct brain connection.

It trusts and protects the Pixel 6a, in much of the same ways it protects its own body, from such things as spyware and malicious parties (like its parents). Any further proprietary software that does not trust the Pixel 6a gets contained on its Googled Pixel 2 XL, such as Minecraft: Bedrock Edition.

 
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from blog.abtmtr.link/mtr/

fun fact: emma is the one with the homicidal tendencies. you may not clock her as such at first, but trust us. they are there! she doesn't want to hurt anybody all of the time, thankfully – she will only do it if she or anyone else are threatened, and she probably is most likely to regret it later

she is a murder girl and we think she may be fascinated by knives

this kind of plays into her role as a protector mostly, mind is all bark no bite, but emma? emma is not to be fucked with.

also, mentioning mind, emma is very protective of mind emma would kill for mind if she felt like mind was being hurt or threatened

emma's like what? 20-something? and mind's literally just 14

so its kind of like a parent-child kind of deal we suppose, except they're not really related.

 
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from blog.abtmtr.link/mtr/

content warning: transphobia, of course

this could be a new dariacore song name

anyway, the moral of the story is not to look up “trans” on x.com

we joined x.com as “nitterdown_” in order to view posts on the site

we are never ever going to post there but it's nice to view posts from the friends who never migrated anywhere

the first thing we did was look up “lgbt”. then “gay”. then “trans”

files.catbox.moe/31yyz3.png

files.catbox.moe/e56xvw.png

can we stop doing this to ourselves?

 
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from blog.abtmtr.link/mtr/

some days we feel so, so wrong some days we feel incredibly sad there are some days we work in harmony to do something great and there are some days we do nothing at all

we split in early 2024, in order to process emotions in order to try and understand our feelings fern and mind at first. they squabbled, and made the body feel like shit. mind hated fern. this was very well-known

right then and there we had our first ever complete mental breakdown.

She did I didn't I paused it when my mom called
No ther not kde conect
Where am I?
He's lying to you! He's faking it he's telling you he! s faking it he just told you he's distracting you!!! He's lying to your faces!!! I'm not real!!
How do I explain this
Is this another ploy by my manipulator brain to rationalize what I just did or are these neuros actually divergent
I wish I didn't constantly try to tell other people I'm lying to them.
What does that mean?
Who are you?
What do you mean by that?
I don't know
I'm half aware right now
Where's the other half?
Where's the other half?
Thea
Where's the other half?
Tell me
What is it doing.

none of it was too obvious but now we know who is who.

here, we'll try to label it for you:

She did I didn't I paused it when my mom called (Fern)
No ther not kde conect (Fern)
Where am I? (Thea)
He's lying to you! He's faking it he's telling you he! s faking it he just told you he's distracting you!!! He's lying to your faces!!! I'm not real!! (Mind)
How do I explain this (Thea)
Is this another ploy by my manipulator brain to rationalize what I just did or are these neuros actually divergent (Thea)
I wish I didn't constantly try to tell other people I'm lying to them. (Thea)
What does that mean? (Fern)
Who are you? (Fern)
What do you mean by that? (Fern)
I don't know (Thea)
I'm half aware right now (Thea)
Where's the other half? (Fern)
Where's the other half? (Fern)
Thea (Fern)
Where's the other half? (Fern)
Tell me (Fern)
What is it doing. (Fern)

it was completely incomprehensible at the time, a stream of total madness came across our brain as we tried to calm ourselves down enough to not sounds fucking insane to the crisis person (which our browser ended up blocking anyway, so that was a bust.)

of course, now we have good control over our parts of the body. we have a designated communicator, ~/, and we know more about ourselves then we did before. so what happened? why did the crisis occur?

what happened

well, we can't tell you specifically why, but we can always speculate our speculation is that our brain was fighting to break itself apart, against a few strips of scotch tape that were our predisposed normative understandings of the world, how brains are “supposed to work”.

after that moment, we have become more aware of what events are traumatic, or what events stress us out a whole lot.

names

we don't like it when people say our “deadname” – though we have never communicated that we dislike it, it's kind of hard to for us to do so and we don't know why. fears of disappointment, maybe? anxiety?

our previous name is wholly disliked by the system. this is something we know now. it's generic, and it wasn't even designed to fit who we were – just what our mom wanted us to be.

it turns out we are made most comfortable with inheriting the name of things we are very connected to and responsible for, like abtmtr.link. this is our system name now! this name we really like. it's not a human name, and you will certainly not catch us being called “abtmtr.link” in real life, but that's fine. it's certainly a good enough name for internet communication, however.

meowcatheorange... in 3d!

what about in real life, though? what names do we prefer out in the real world?

well, any active humanoid system member name will do. emma, thea, mind... it's fine to call us that as long as you're aware that it's not us entirely.

if you want to refer to us collectively in real life, you're SOL on that front. it's “abtmtr.link” or bust. you can also use “meowcatheorange” or what have you, but you will probably still have ants in your pants about it being one of our internet usernames. you will have to deal with those ants. no, we will not apologize. no, we will not make up a new name for ourselves.

also, what about ~/? what if we want to refer to them? well, first, consider the following: – don't – you know you don't have to – please just don't refer to ~/ individually

if you have to refer to ~/, it prefers you use the system name to maximize confusion and destroy context. this is because it has trauma around names.

why does it have trauma around names? same reason you may have trauma around whatever it is you recognize as traumatic.

are you okay?

we get asked this question a lot and we are never sure how to answer it.

usually, we would say, “yes, I'm OK” and that would be it. this is how most people answer “are you okay”, and it's fine, if it weren't a clear white lie.

you know it. the person asking you if you're OK knows it – they just don't want to invade on your personal life because they probably know it's a lot. after all, they asked you if you're okay, not for whatever you did today.

anyway, our current answer to “are you OK” is “can't say”. it's ambiguous enough to not be deceptively positive, but also not be too negative either. if you “can't say”, that usually means you're going through it and still can't find an answer.

we like to find answers that delay things, whether temporarily or indefinitely. this is probably indicative of how much we dislike talking. it's all strange, and we're a bit strange about it. we guess this is just how things are right now.

apologies

sorry, we're working on it

curerent status as of writing: tired

thanks for reading

 
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from blog.abtmtr.link/stories/

You remember and forget.

It's an ambiguous cycle. You're sure you've thought of this before...

...but when? And how?

After all of the thinking, you end up very confused.

Like you almost always are.

It's tiring... sometimes you wish your brain wasn't so weird.

Not even you understand your own thoughts sometimes.

 
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from blog.abtmtr.link/stories/

She stands at the base of a tall tower.

It's a tower she's heard of many times before. From friends, from loved ones, even from randoms on the internet.

Her tower stands very tall from a look at the very bottom... it stretches far, far up into the clouds. Many others have had their own tower climb, and have either found the truth, and lived happy for knowing it... or trip and fall, either by unpreparedness, loss of motivation, fear of heights... or just straight-up self-doubt.

From what she's heard though, the tower is a nice climb. Having multiple windows and telephones at every level to communicate with and see other tower climbers...

All it really needs is your work.

She's a little scared, but excited. She's already started climbing.

What awaits her at the top?

 
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from blog.abtmtr.link/stories/

cw // grooming mention

Dear Iszac,

As you may know, to be a solacite, worries in your past life must be honestly and effectively taken care of to ensure minimal conflict upon turning. However, some have an especially hard time eliminating these worries. Iszac, I am one of those people. I know that you are here to help me take care of my worries, but sometimes I feel like it's impossible. I know you would say otherwise, but it's like the more I believe this, the harder it is to hear your voice. I hope that when you receive this letter, you are of full ability. I'm sorry for generating more worries that you have to deal with, and I'm sorry for not dealing with my issues in the ways you suggest. I'm sort of a coward, and it's hard to confront others, in fear of what might happen if things go awry, or what I think others might think of me. I know taking responsibility has little to do with making sure your image is preserved, but I still don't know. I'm young, I'm dumb, but I'm also concerned that those concerns aren't valid enough, and that everything I've done is to be judged in a lens of recency. I want to admit something to you, that may not be necessarily hard to admit to others, but I just have to get it off of my chest. I'm disgusted by my old self. He's still me, but he's a me that has done stuff that I wouldn't know how to explain now. I also feel incredibly sorry for him. He was groomed, he was sort of manipulated, he had and still sort of has a horrible, horrible pornography addiction, and he was just overall *weird*. But I'm not really worried about him. If anyone confronts me about him, it wouldn't be an effective confrontation. I'm more worried about the me who's grown up since then. Who's had a complicated relationship with sexuality, attraction, boundaries, and of course, sex. He's harder to rationalize, because those worries he's made are still relevant today. The people he's hurt are still around me, and I still haven't done anything about it. I'm angry at myself because I haven't done anything about it, even though I want to. I need to apologize to those I've hurt, but I haven't yet... because it's hard. I'm not trying to say that my priorities or feelings are more important than the priorities and feelings of those I've hurt - just that I haven't yet gained the composure to talk to them and own up to my actions. I need to do it sometime soon. I know that some number of them might not even take a sliver of my apologies seriously, but I'm happy as long as I've done it. And Iszac, I know you know all of this. Then why would I write this letter? Because I just need help doing it all. I need times, I need places, and I need methods. I'm not asking you to directly schedule some times for me to apologize to those I've hurt, because I know you can't. But I just... need suggestions, and I don't know who else to reach out to for that kind of help. I know I could talk to the people in authority of the social environment to help me, but they all think highly of me, and I hate that. It feels like I'm going to get the people I've hurt in trouble by going through them, and I really don't want that. So... I need your help, Iszac.

From your dearly-cherished attachment,
Theo.


P.S. this could be a good start

 
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from blog.abtmtr.link/stories/

Iszac is a boy in spirit. Never really born, not really dead, but in a state between non-interactivity and meaning. He has existed 16 years in a state of solace. To not have to worry about anything in an environment where worries are common. Perhaps he has lived a past life where he has died, where his worries did in fact persist past the spectral veil, but none of them are to be worried about anymore.

It has been observed that the things around him change when he changes his sincere identity. Memories of his name remembered by sapient beings who have experienced his presence, internet archives with many hard drives filled with HTML documents, some of which have bore his name, CDs sporting waves represented as data that build up to represent his name, writing with pen strokes crafted to resemble what he is identified as... all of it changes when he does. Sometimes it only changes in his perception, a moment of disconnection from his identity that isn't visible or detectable by anyone else. These moments are significant quirks of those in solace, impossible to detect by even the most direct of their peers. A single tick of the clock called time means all of these instances of identity change synchronously, as if they always were.

Today is not any day of significance to him or anyone around him. There are no such days he burdens himself about, except his “birthday”, and maybe the birthdays of a few other sapient beings he surrounds himself with. His “birthday”, or more appropriately, day of existence, has been observed to be an odd Tuesday — August 7, 2007. There are no legal documents to prove this, but it has been ingrained permanently within his mind, so he doesn't have to worry about losing or forgetting this date.

Solace is a strange state to be in, as it isn't really as easy as instances of names changing, or being unable to forget your day of existence. You can still create problems and have them persist. Solace is not the immediate manipulation of many of these problems to become non-existent, but the ability to accept the existence of these problems and live with them. Some in the state of solace like to help repair or reduce the impact of these problems, and that is perfectly fine, if not encouraged in this state.

Even when resolved, however, a lot of these problems and worries can spread due to those outside of solace not willing to let go of the problem's existence. Some like to refer to this act as “gossip”. Gossip is a non-issue to residents of solace who understand the true meaning of being in this state. Do not worry yourself with the malicious and unapologetic, for their place in solace will be delayed until they finish just one life cycle worthy enough to earn it.

Solace is sometimes known to be very similar to the Christian belief of Heaven, where salvation shall only come after you have sincerely accepted your sins, but those in solace do not judge based on external perception. Solace is different, for you are instead judged by internal perception. Those who are unwilling to change do not get solace, instead being sent back into the mortal coil to have another chance at making things right.

Iszac is a boy in solace. Never really born, not really dead, but in a state between comfort and perfection.

NAME: Iszac Æther-Celeste
PERCIEVED IDENTITY: Teen aged human, identified genderfluid
ANTI-REDUNDANT NAMES: he/him, they/them, she/her
DATE OF EXISTENCE: 2007 - 08 - 07
DATE OF PERCEPTION: 2023 - 11 - 25
FAVOURITE COLOR: #00C0FF (Iszac Blue)
 
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